The Poisoned Ink Well

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

I used to not be like this. Anti Social

Ok here is my weird dilemma. I want to work online, I already take some classes online, and I like it here at home. I could live in front of my computer and never leave and be totally happy out here in cyber world. If I wasn’t in the boonies, then I’d have my groceries delivered, toiletries, everything. I like being alone and with people at the same time through my computer. I have absolutely, no desire to leave my home. Right now I have classes that pull me away twice a week to another city, but if I could do everything through this screen and keyboard then I would. In the real world there is traffic, cops, mean people, courts, judges, and nothing, but problems; on my computer there is information, hours of pleasurable reading, learning, chatting, and now my favorite thing to do is, looking for a job or a new field on Something that lets me stay at home away from the public.

Part 2: Mel the Basket case.or (here I go, again, referring to myself in the 3rd person)

I am about to get put through it again. I can see it coming, another ringer. I'm going to be put before a bunch of public servants (what a name for them) and be told (again) what a worthless human piece of living matter that I am. My self esteem is already low and I know what they think of me and it's nothing personal; it's how you win your case if you're a ruthless bastard/bitch, but damn, I'd rather stay at home and not deal with it all again. A couple of ruptured disks, many attorneys and several judges, later and now you have me; someone who was once a perfectly good nurse, who used to like herself, and her profession, and who loved every patient she ever took care of, and I have become a total introvert who would rather talk to myself through my keyboard and avoid all contact with other people.

Judges (another rainy day rant)

I told my mother the other day that I know why we have a court system and judges; it’s not to administer justice or protect the constitution, or argue the separation of church and state; it’s to divide everyone into two classes of human beings; worth a shit and not worth a shit, and according to them, (the courts) most of us litter, the not worth a shit pile like so many skin bags of human refuse ready for disposal, they dispose of us in institutions, penal and otherwise, and execute us, or drug us when they get a chance to. I have spent my whole life trying to escape the not worth a shit pile (through school, work, and volunteering in the community) only to be directed back to it again every time I am unlucky enough to walk too close to a gavel.